How's this for a metaphor...
I was thinking today about ideals...nostalgic (again) and projected. When I was in High School, my dream was to have some sort of startup company in a warehouse...one of those high-ceiling, old mill renovation deals. Big open space...lots of screens and gadgets and modem connectivity everywhere (this is PRE-Internet, man...) I could work until dawn on whatever project I had going. I could invite my friends over for late night technology buffets (read "geekfests")...riding the wave of nocturnal glee until that first wondrous glance out the window revealing the distinctive light of a new day. That was always my favorite...sobering, but, nonetheless amazing. A perfect complement to that lucid "tired-high" feeling. We had crossed the threshold of mysterious night into a new day. Sleep was still optional. We would ignore the limitations our bodies imposed on our minds and completely cater to our imaginations...here, in this commercial space microcosm, boundless and without peer.
So the inevitable "why" factors in a short time after reminiscing. Why was this appealing to me? Cut off from the rest of the world with only a small pipeline (via modem) to connect me to it. I was reminded of the old trick of pie plates and pinholes during an eclipse, and I sensed my thoughts shifting to a defensive tone.
Textbook escapism. To the nerd degree. Back when a nerd was a bad thing.
It's easy to write it off as such because I have more elaborate plans for my life these days. My visions of my own future contain many faces and much community...many different backgrounds and locations...you know...BIGGER.
But, even now, as I write alone in my dark room lit only by the light coming from my monitor, I find that I still romantacize about the warehouse startup. I still find the idea appealing...a warm, comforting solace...a not-so-far removed perch with a great view from the inside.